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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 47
'The Mafia Gazette Issue 47 ' For All The News That Is News Monday 31st October 'GAZETTE EDITOR ACCUSED OF SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES ' By: ^Z^ After a call from an anonymous person, the Chicago office of the Mafia Gazette got raided today. According to the police, they had received a tip that the newspaper was being used by editor CarmelaDeAngelis as a front for organised crime. All that is known about the raid is that at least half a dozen boxes of evidence were carried away from the office and Carmela was taken away for questioning, later to be released without charge. Allegedly, Carmela had been funding terrorism for a while, using the paper to launder money and as a way to pay her hitters who she allegedly code-named 'reporters. CarmelaDeAngelis had this to say about the recent raid: “They removed some of the archives of the Gazette as evidence, but there is nothing to find. I am innocent of the charges laid against me and this will be proved.” Unconfirmed reports say that the accusations are just a witch-hunt to slander the great name of Carmela and her work and could well just be the start of people trying to drag the name of the Mafia Gazette through the mud. Ever since DanKjnr made the original accusation in the streets, CarmelaDeAngelis has strongly proclaimed her innocence, and until proven otherwise, the Gazette and the staff will support her. We hope you, the Mafia Community, will do too. 'PRIESTHOOD CLEANING UP ' The Priesthood have made a dramatic turnaround in their leadership style recently with the killing of one of their own Made Men for conduct unbecoming a Priesthood Member. Solidus_Snake was allegedly working as a front man for LittleCeez, a citizen who runs a business paying for hits on members of the community. These allegations were too much for the Priesthood hierarchy following their promise not to let another member tarnish the name of the Family. LittleCeez was the citizen behind the hits on the Chido Family who were at war with the WildBoyz, a war that only ended with the deaths of Fedaykin and Soldier21. Solidus was apparently taking in members of the WildBoyz, providing them with guns and then dropping them from the family payroll again. This allegation was denied, but there was much evidence produced to support it. LittleCeez was asked for comment by the newspaper during the war between Chido and his hitters, but so far has declined to answer any of the Gazette’s questions. The Priesthood had been accused of bad leadership in the past, however it now seems like they have cleaned up their act and are making solid decisions that are being supported by the community on the whole. From Rags To Riches By: Fettuccini After being unemployed for a number of years and scrimping and saving, it has come tome the other day, a briefcase full of $50. It’s been like winning the lottery. I was walking through Detroit trying to make a few bob in the bookies when i saw a briefcase in the local toilets unattended. I decided to check it out and see what was in it. As I open it I see crisp, new notes. I cant believe it this is unreal Oct 26 11:08.13 AM You mugged bluebell and split with $1,975,729. and some dope This has to be the biggest find in the history of mafia, what do i do with all that cash, and what was this person doing and thinking of leaving this amount of money unattended?? more to follow.... An intimate-esq look at TieDomi By TieDomi Quite often people will mail me with a question. For example, “Why do you stay citizen?”, “How long has your family line been around for?”, and “Why are you so damn sexy?” All of this questioning, gave me an idea…I said to myself “Tie, why don’t you give some people a chance to ask you some questions, and put it into an article, for the paper, for everyone to see?” I, of course, thought that was a pretty good idea. So after thinking this over for about five minutes or so I said “I’m going to do it.” Then I went along and did it. I gave a handful of people the chance to ask me anything they wanted. Most of the questions are about me, but some are just general questions. I allowed some general questions so you could also see some of my views on things and people other than myself. Anyway, here is the finished product of all of my hardwork! And I guessssss the people who asked me the questions put in a little work too: Venom_VixenV: How do you manage to stay cool and handsome in this line of work? – Well the coolness just comes natural for me. I mean it’s really all I know how to do. I quite often say that I know everything but really it isn’t true…I have no clue how to be “not cool.” As for the handsomeness….well let me put it this way. Uglyness is a disease. A horrible disease that is running rampant. I am one of the fortunate few who are immune to it. CarmelaDeAngelis: When can I have it on my desk? - Carmela…alllllways worrying about the paper! As for the answer…I’m going to say sometime around the last possible minute. Gangitano: Why do bad things happen to good people? – Because we just do. Deal with it. DVS_Lover: Why are you so gay sometimes? – Well I get kinda bored being straight all the time so I figure every once in a while I might as well try something “different”. Also, sometimes I like to listen to The Click Five…that makes me pretty freakin’ gay right there. DeepWound_II: Why is the sky blue and clouds white? – Because blue and white are Dallas Cowboy colors. Why are roses red and violets blue? I don’t know! I’m not a poet! Why does messing with DeepWound leave people looking black and blue? – Well that depends on the situation. He leaves girls looking black and blue because when he sees one he screams “EW GIRLS YUCK!” and beats them up. He leaves guys looking black and blue because he likes to give it to them rough. Tom_Tanzini: Why is Tom so purdy? – Because he has a bag, with a picture of me on it, over his head. What is your legacy to mafia.org? – I don’t really have one. My family line has been around for quite sometime but we have never actually done anything. I’m like Miguel…without the wit, humor, intelligence, and accomplishments. BarbieDahl: How did you become as awesome and cool as BarbieDahl? – I really have no clue. Definitely wasn’t from my upbringing…I’m totally cooler than my parents. Definitely not because of society…I’m sooooo totally cooler than society. Maybe it’s from hanging around Barbie so much. Who really knows? What's it like to be the most loved man of mafia? – It’s only so totally the greatest thing in the history of ever! I don’t like to brag about it or anything. It really is hard working being so loved though. I mean really. I didn’t ask to be loved so much, it just happened. I’m just lovable. How could you not love me? Only people who don’t love cute little kittens, could possibly not love cute little Tie. And even most of them love me. Trevah: What size are your feet and do you think you could manage without them? 12 US, and although my dreams of becoming a successful wrestling/hockey superstar would be crushed, yes I could do without them because chances are that my dreams will be crushed anyway, this would at least give me an excuse. I don’t ever use them for anything anyway. What would your last request be on leaving this world? To leave me all your money? – Something even better than money. It would be for everybody to look up to you, the way they look up to me. You deserve a little looking up to! Just don’t go corrupting the children. angry_little_claudio: If you could force-feed cheese to one member of the mafia society who would it be and why? – There are plenty of people who deserve it. But I’d have to go with DarkSide, just because he thinks he’s such a superhero. Let’s see how “super” he is when he has cheese tearing him apart from the inside out! Randle_Mc: If you could be any odour, what would you be, and why? – I’d have to say the odor of trash, because I’m trashy as it is and I figure I might as well smell like it too. Who would win, sharks, or tigers? (in a completely neutral environment, where neither had a terrain advantage, for instance, a shallow muddy puddle, or similar.) – This question requires quite a bit of thinking. I’m not an expert on animals but I like to think I know a decent amount about sports so this question will now be about sports. The San Jose Sharks are a fairly decent hockey team, while the Detroit Tigers are a really sucky baseball team. Considering that they have to be in an equal environment that doesn’t give either one an advantage, let’s say that they would be playing football. (NFL/CFL Football) I’d have to say the Sharks would win. Just because they are real men and the Tigers are a bunch of pansies. Johnnie_-Dillinger: Whats your favorite pair of undies? – My Ninja Turtles undies of course silly. Have you ever developed an evil plot to take over a zoo? - No I actually haven’t. Surprising isn’t it? I’ll call up my good buddy from the future, Ace Ventura, and get back to you on that one. Miguel: Why have you dedicated the time we've known each other to striving to be like me? – I’m not striving to be like you, I’m striving to outdo you. And the reason is this. As a great man, by the name of Ric Flair, will one-day say “To be the man, ya gotta beat the man.” And you Migs…are the man. Why haven't you washed the dishes tonight? – Because I got distracted with the camel skin washcloth again. And of course thank you to all of those who asked me the questions. This couldn’t have been…well actually it could have been done without you. I very well could’ve just asked myself questions but that wouldn’t be as much fun so thank you all anyway. 'LETTERS PAGE ' Dear Carmela, It came as a great disappointment to all Priesthood members today to read your article on the Priesthood family. We made a promise to this community to play our part in improving the profile of Priesthood and improving life in general on the streets. We would like to state that Hektor was chosen over 24 hours in advance of Paulo_Gismondo’s death As a suitable replacement for Paulo. This was agreed by all senior members of the priesthood and we are confident of Hektors ability to lead us in to a new era. Hektor has done an excellent Job to date and still has full support of all of the Priesthood members. Yours Sincerely Glowworm. 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie ... Mass hysteria broke out in a few coffee shops this evening when a rather senile Uncle Nicky and his partner in incoherance Starr went looking for a food fight using SPAM as a weapon of convenience. Both are known to be full of the horrid pink stuff. Starr has been checked into a facility for the criminally insane and Uncle Nicky is still on the lam. … John_Cougar_II was seen invading Macys while wearing a mu-mu, a salad strainer helmet, grannie panties of the apocalypse and weilding his flyswatter of doom…. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Amazing Horse for sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Metallic General owned by Alphonse asking price $1,000,000 RACE Time Temp Conditions Finish Paying Odds 18170 Oct 25th 04:30PM 10 ° Bone Dry 1st $11,209 1 :1 18125 Oct 24th 11:30PM 48 ° Dry 1st $2,700 1 :1 18087 Oct 23rd 07:30PM 54 ° Muddy 1st $1,500 14 :1 18043 Oct 22nd 09:30PM 34 ° Slightly Moist 2nd $1,326 5 :1 17955 Oct 21st 01:30AM 6 ° Bone Dry 2nd $1,200 8 :1 17911 Oct 20th 03:30AM 68 ° Damp 3rd $2,609 13 :1 17822 Oct 18th 07:00AM 80 ° Bone Dry 1st $11,198 4 :1 17777 Oct 17th 08:30AM 79 ° Bone Dry 2nd $3,525 1 :1 17732 Oct 16th 10:00AM 43 ° Bone Dry 3rd $3,028 1 :1 17688 Oct 15th 12:00PM 82 ° Slightly Moist 1st $4,358 3 :1 And still winning! 02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Famous2 is looking for a good look'n girl who's open to marriage one day. Must be over 18... and open to signing a Pre-nuptual Agreement! :) Contact Famous2 today! 02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:28, February 15, 2013 (UTC) “And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patris, et filii... …..et spiritus sancti.” The Boondock Saints are now recruiting, MM Joe-Masseria or SonnyFanucci and impress for an invite. 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '